Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Reflecting Back....

I slipped in tonight to re-read this post/blog and re-evaluate. I am ashamed to say my journey was interrupted by moving, pain, transition, illness. I am pleased to say the night communes with God, when I did them, were sweet. But there were many nights of lying awake with worry hanging over me. Nights of going over the past, over and over - what could I have done differently? I felt resolute, that my journey in Wyoming was exactly what it was supposed to be.

I still lie awake thinking of jobs. Wondering what has gone wrong. I've had some pretty responsible positions for pretty long periods of time. I've always felt like, even when successful, that I had my shoes on the wrong feet so to speak. Smiling right now, my friend Linda, can tell you I have outright physical manifestations of spiritual realities - like wearing two different shoes once in a while? So maybe the places I have been have been the right place, right time, wrong fit.

Now, I don't know where the fit is. I had a long correspondence with my previous pastor about prophecy. General prophecy and personal prophecy. Don't we all want to know what is going to happen to us, and that it is going to be good, and grand, and wonderful? Don't we want to know there is a God or something that is indeed in control of this world that is spinning, some say in a wobbling manner, but still spinning through the galaxy? Don't we want to know the outcome of a matter? Yes, I do, always. But sometimes we just go on with faith, faith that we are not alone, not totally alone in our struggles. But I want my faith to be placed in an absolute, not a something.

The painting above, based on the verse in Revelations 22:2 is painted by my son. I thought the image was fitting for my reflections tonight. I love this mysterious verse in the Bible - I have based the last ten years on it - "....the leaves of the trees are for the healing of the nations." Wouldn't it be something - if our nations could be healed?

Personally, I think the painting is telling me that I am the tree and although I weather storms, still there are leaves, and I am planted by the Living Water, and my leaves contain healing when I am kind and loving, and yes, resolute, and determined for my family and my friends. Everyone says I'm so strong. The only strength I know is to have my roots reaching into that life sustaining water..........