Journey

Just in case someone lands here, I have to say, many many months since this blog has been last posted, that my spiritual life has seen many ups and downs, but mostly ups.  I'm back to feeling I walk with God hand in hand almost daily - and when I intentionally leave Him behind, its ok, He's still there looking over me.  It's a good feeling.  Am even learning to trust Him more with my family and those I pray for.  It's been an adventure.  Perhaps I should share my journal here in the future.

The painting above is in oils and is four feet tall - depicting a barren branch - I'm not sure exactly why, there is a scripture about the vine and branches - I guess I should look it up.  Then I have a friend - we both are sort of "seers" and see visions (ok, yep, I sound nuts - but some will understand) and dream dreams, and have "knowings" - she is the eagle and I am the raven.  I'm not sure what all the entire painting means, and perhaps it shall evolve and sprout some vines before its all over with.  I have another canvas the same size and I am waiting on the "knowing" of what should go on it - I think a triptych would be just the thing!

Rebuilding My Walls

Tonight, well not tonight, but early this a.m., I was up praying and went to the Book in the Bible, Nehemiah. Nehemiah focuses on rebuilding the torn down wall around the city of Jerusalem.

During life, I've found there are times that my walls have been torn down and are lying in ruin either through neglect, circumstances beyond my control, my own disobedience to what I know to be true or ignorance, and lack of proper care of my temple (my body and spirit), and other forces. I always love going back to the Book of Nehemiah - there are great instructions for the rebuilding.

This morning, I found Nehemiah speaking to me of the value of:

1. Having a vision
2. Asking for a "go ahead" to begin the vision
3. The vision may - and, most probably will involve many more people than yourself.
4. The value of perseverance, even when others are trying to get you off track - and they will.
5. The importance of family from generation to generation.
6. The importance of purpose, the calling on one's life. (It was interesting to note that the calling to complete a purpose often ran in families.)
7. When the word of God was read AND comprehended, the people began to weep and wanted to live as they should.
8. The people remembered their history, mistakes and all.
9. Mistakes begin in disobedience.
10. God is orderly and organized and wants us to be the same.
11. God wants the Levites (the priests, the pastors, the holy leaders of the people) to cleanse themselves and to stay clean.
12. Though sin (how we shouldn't live and be) may be all around us, we should separate from it and not live with it nor make friends with it.

Humbling

The road of life is mostly a dirt road. It's not smooth, that's for sure. Then there are those ruts caused by washouts to navigate. And just when one feels it is smooth traveling again, then its time to grow some more. Growing hurts. I wonder if it hurts plants to grow. I will be more tender with the garden in the future and more mindful of its needs.

In the midst of my inquiries of God of those things inside me that needed changed, I was made aware of my "numbness." I knew in my head, I can't rely on myself to protect me from life's bumps, only God. But then I keep forgetting - well, actually I guess it just plumped on down to my heart where I could really say, "Sorry, God, I really am tired to trying to be God, here I give it back to you."

Sitting on the front porch Halloween night, the fire ants ate a big chunk out of my toe because I have no feeling in it. I guess things were eating a big chunk out of my heart because I had numbed it. Still, I have to learn how to take the whacks of life without using the "numb mode." I wish I had a printed step by step directions!

Going to Meet the King

A study question. How does God see us, me? The answer I received was that He sees me as His Princess. I pouted - I would rather be seen as His Queen, after all I am mature so to speak in the Lord, am I not?

I reached for Grandson's children's dictionary and found that the definition for Princess is...the daughter of a King and a noble woman of high rank. Well, that I am, and impressed that because I'm his daughter, I am his princess. Does that dream ever die in girls, that desire to be Daddy's princess?

But, like a little girl standing in her mother's dress pretending she is a Queen, peering at her mother and her father's relationship, deeper and different than that of a princess, she begins to understand the difference. She is too small for the Queen's dress, in fact it will only fit her when she matures.

I turn back to the dictionary: Queen is defined as a ruler from a royal family who rules a country, the wife of a King...is this the maturity I, as His princess, work toward? Doesn't the Word say that the King is coming, and coming for His bride? I am eager. But I am not in bridal finery yet.

He smiles and He's telling me to be patient, he's smiling gently. He's willing to wait for me! How precious is that? He's not pulling, pushing, or manipulating and He does more than wait. Like Esther called to the King's palace, my Beloved is drawing me to His secret place where He prepares me, washes me, anoints me, smooths my hair, and sings songs of love to me. Awesome! The King himself prepares me to be his Queen. I suddenly think I am too poor, I come with no dowry! Looking into His eyes, I see my dowry - that of the Lord Jesus Christ's priceless blood.

What does he want of me? He wants my love, my adoration, He wants me to treat others as He treats me as I make the journey to be His bride. Like Esther, I will be pampered, but I will be strong, and I will be able to do what He's called me to do when I rule with Him.

The Red Sea

Well, I've been to the mountaintop, but now..........fighting a plunge into depression. Our sermon today was about dumping the negative thinking. This has been in my mind for days - I quit watching news as of today - trying to rise above the very negative comments from the world out there and also that come out of the mouths of my family members. I feel like I am in an incredible battle since coming home from church. Sheesh! I guess Pastor said there would be one - but he also said, "Don't do it!" Oh, I'm trying - help, help, help, Lord!

It's not helping that the anniversary of my son's death, and his birthday a week earlier are rapidly coming up. Because of the Song of Solomon, I know, I just know, he is so much happier now, but it still hurts. When I thought I might die a few months back, it hit me right square in the face - there are a lot of people I know up in heaven! It won't be like moving to a strange town. Will we still have these battles up there? In heaven? I think we might - I think about the verse where the onlookers from heaven are looking down and the earth and asking God how long He is going to allow what is going on - they are concerned.

Enough thinking, back to the battle front.

Song of Solomon

Oh, my! I have started a study with Mamma Hug's group.

It is all about my last question: Who am I to God?

Well - I'm His princess, soon to be his bride. What an exciting adventure we are on in the group. I am relaxing more as I study and sit and listen to what God is saying to me. He's saying "Come away my love...." He's inviting me to go on a romantic, adventurous journey - this is WAY better than Fabio - this new guy (GOD) in my life - he is a King! He is wealthy - He owns the universe and all that is in it. He's generous, he's never mad at me, He is patient....and most of all He loves me madly.

Amazing, one-half of my physical pain is gone! Remember how sometimes we didn't feel good, but we would have a date with a special guy and then we felt much better....or is it the presence of this new Lover of me that heals me..........? How many times as women have we sought after a man, just sure that the glow we were feeling would last forever, that this guy was the answer to our problems.....well, too many times years ago for me, only to be let down hard....my heart had given up on love.....now - He comes! Love comes for me!

More later!

Who am I to God?

Sometimes I wonder.

I wondered why man was special. Why we can't just swim like the fish and not worry so much. Do fish worry?

Then I remembered we are created in the image of God, to be His/Her friend. Now, that makes us special. Ok, the answer comes quickly at times. Does God worry?

I bet He does.