Sunday, November 4, 2007
The road of life is mostly a dirt road. It's not smooth, that's for sure. Then there are those ruts caused by washouts to navigate. And just when one feels it is smooth traveling again, then its time to grow some more. Growing hurts. I wonder if it hurts plants to grow. I will be more tender with the garden in the future and more mindful of its needs.
In the midst of my inquiries of God of those things inside me that needed changed, I was made aware of my "numbness." I knew in my head, I can't rely on myself to protect me from life's bumps, only God. But then I keep forgetting - well, actually I guess it just plumped on down to my heart where I could really say, "Sorry, God, I really am tired to trying to be God, here I give it back to you."
Sitting on the front porch Halloween night, the fire ants ate a big chunk out of my toe because I have no feeling in it. I guess things were eating a big chunk out of my heart because I had numbed it. Still, I have to learn how to take the whacks of life without using the "numb mode." I wish I had a printed step by step directions!